"Do you think he's about to fire me?" my friend asked. She was trying to decipher a comment her boss had made unrelated to her work performance that had sent her into a tailspin. After a month, it became clear that the random comment was just that: a random comment. She wasted time and energy worrying for nothing.
Communication is tricky—especially when so much is hidden. A Grammarly-sponsored report found that 55% of people feel they spend too much time crafting and deciphering messages, and 53% feel anxious about misinterpreting them. That's just for written communication.
The risk of miscommunication is even greater when it's nonverbal.
A few years ago, we were getting a furniture delivery when our pest control service showed up. A massive hornet's nest was hanging from the tree right above the patio where we were all standing.
As the delivery crew unpacked, the pest control guy walked over with a giant pole. The furniture guys watched him curiously. Then, right as he wound up swinging at the nest like it was a piñata, the entire group shouted in unison:
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't!"
What they didn't know—and what the pest control guy knew—was that there were no hornets in the nest. They had already been dealt with the week before. He was just there to remove the nest. Once we explained, everyone laughed with relief.
But it was a reminder that we often forget how others perceive our actions when they don't have the full context.
At The Meet Group, someone once asked me about our CEO's secret meetings because they were concerned that he was closing his blinds. Another acquisition? A merger? The truth? He'd close his blinds to stretch.
We're always making assumptions. Jason Feifer, editor in chief of Entrepreneur, shared a story about giving a keynote where one guy in the front row smirked the entire time. Jason spent the talk thinking, This guy is such a jerk. Afterward, the man approached him and said he loved the talk. Turns out, he just had resting smug face.
Much of the time, we assign meaning where there is none. Here are three things to remember if navigating unclear comments, cryptic coworkers, or questionable Slack tone.
1. Say It Out Loud—Clearly
Even if you think something is obvious, say it. State what's happening. This is especially important when delivering hard news or guiding teams through uncertain times.
Having led through multiple acquisitions, I learned how critical it is to share what people care about most first: "Will there be layoffs?" "Are jobs safe?" Don't let it come up in Q&A; say it upfront.
The same applies to written communication. Use tools (like AI!) to get feedback on tone and clarity. If you're trying to sound reassuring but come across as vague or cold, you're adding to the confusion.
Michael Scott from The Office is a masterclass in what not to do. Between his mixed metaphors and rambling speeches, no one ever knows what he means. Be intentional with your message.
2. Don’t Jump to Conclusions
Just because everyone agrees on something doesn't mean it's the right move. Speak up if something seems off.
The furniture delivery guys didn't know the hornets were gone, but they still reacted. They voiced concern. That was the right thing to do.
Your manager may have forgotten to mention a key detail, like the pest guy. You may be filling in gaps with assumptions. Is the CEO's door closed because a major acquisition is happening or because they're stretching their back?
When I suspected my now-husband would propose, I read into everything. One day, he put bananas in his car's trunk. My theory? He was hiding a ring delivery and using the bananas as a cover story for why he went outside. (He did propose soon after, but the bananas had nothing to do with it.)
That was a fun guessing game. But most of the time, it's not fun. Mental energy gets wasted decoding someone's facial expressions or Slack tone. Instead of spiraling, ask a clarifying question. Open a conversation.
In my Wharton Total Leadership class, we had to hold stakeholder conversations with bosses, reports, partners, parents, and friends. It was awkward, but it also revealed misalignments and ways to strengthen our relationships. Direct conversations matter. Don't read into the bananas.
3. Make the Hidden Visible
One of the biggest benefits of cofounding with siblings is that the "hidden" information is already known. You don't have to guess how someone reacts under pressure or why they act a certain way. There's trust, history, and shared context.
Most teams aren't sibling trios, but you can build that trust over time by encouraging questions and creating space for people to challenge ideas, no matter where they come from.
Research supports this: a study published in Harvard Business Review found that women with a close inner circle of other women are more likely to land leadership roles. Why? Because that network shares the hidden context—the unwritten rules of a company or industry—that helps them navigate male-dominated spaces more effectively.
The strongest teams have a foundation of shared understanding and respect. The only way to get there is to talk more, assume less, and make the hidden visible.
Thanks for reading! As you know from last week, my audiobook is finally out! Celebrate with me May 28 at 1:30 pm ET!
One of my favorite parts of writing Designing Success was weaving in the insights of people I deeply admire. One of those people is Jason Feifer, who I mentioned above. As a dynamic storyteller and master at making big ideas relatable, Jason’s work has inspired me for years.
As I continue celebrating the release of the Designing Success audiobook, I’ll be sharing more videos featuring some of the brilliant minds cited in the book. Here is Jason reading an excerpt of Designing Success about him:
If you’re not already following Jason’s work, I highly recommend checking out his book Build for Tomorrow and his One Thing Better newsletter to future-proof your career and build a career you love.
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