"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." — Eleanor Roosevelt
When venture capitalists strode into our office for the first time, I was out of my element. This was my space, my office, but I still needed to remind myself that I belonged.
Unlike more unfortunate situations where being a woman (or, in this case, a sixteen-year-old girl) entrepreneur was held against me, these partners did nothing to make me feel uncomfortable. They had a deep respect for our business and me, and they did not talk down to me. Yet, their presence made me feel small and unworthy of their time.
The shortest one was at least six feet tall; they were all men. As an average-height woman, I was intimidated. Here were men with millions of dollars to invest—I didn't even have a driver's license.
I don't take up much space, literally. Perhaps it's internalized from entirely too many flights where taller and broader people next to me spread into my space, but I have a bad habit of making myself small.
How do you permit yourself to take up space?
Let your passion guide you.
When I feel small, talking about what I care about makes me forget that. As soon as the meeting started and I was talking about what I knew best – our company and our users – I felt like myself again.
When you feel like shrinking, focus on what you know best. Talk about your expertise, your mission, or what excites you. Passion has a way of expanding our presence, making self-doubt fade into the background.
2. Take up physical space.
Say what you will about power poses, but they help more than we give them credit.
Research is mixed on whether standing in a high-power stance (feet planted, shoulders back, arms akimbo) shifts our hormone levels, but we know that body language affects confidence.
In the same way that smiling when you're not feeling remarkably chipper can improve your mood, standing confidently—before you even feel confident—can help you internalize that feeling.
It's a fake it 'til you make it situation. And sometimes, that's all we need.
3. Ask yourself whom you need permission from.
What would you do if you weren't waiting for someone else to tell you it was okay? Would you ask the question in the meeting? Apply for the role? Say yes to the opportunity? Sometimes, your permission is the only thing standing between you and the space you deserve.
This may seem obvious, but you don't need anyone else's permission. And many times, it's you that is keeping you back with negative self-talk.
You deserve to follow your heart. No one can give you that freedom but you.
By the end of that meeting, I had taken up space—not just physically but with my words, ideas, and presence. The VCs weren't doing me a favor by being there; we were there to discuss an opportunity that benefited both of us. The biggest shift wasn't in them—it was in me.
Sorry no voiceover this week—I have the flu :(
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