In his senior year at Harvard, my brother was featured in a Wired magazine article. A stranger read the article and asked to meet for a bagel and discuss the business. The man wore leather driving gloves and rumpled clothes, and it crossed Geoff’s mind that Geoff might be buying him the bagel.
Instead, the reader invested.
Years later, that same person invested again—this time, in myYearbook. That investor didn’t just back our business; he sat on our board and became a mentor and lifelong friend. One random email became a 22-year relationship that shaped our company’s future.
So how do you design for those kinds of connections?
You need the final type of support: Relational support systems.
Emotional support helps you endure. Operational support helps you execute. Relational support changes your trajectory by expanding who you know.
Studies by researchers at Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Business show that men’s and women’s careers benefit immensely from centrality: being connected to a wide array of people. (Women also need a dual network of close female connections.) What matters is how many pockets of people you know.
In this piece, I’ll discuss the first way of expanding your relationships: Showing up.
By “showing up,” I mean putting yourself in situations where connection can happen.
To grow your relational support, some things you should do:
Get a hobby
I once saw a LinkedIn post about how laughable it was to ask a working parent if they have hobbies. I get that burnout is real and time is scarce, but hobbies don’t just help you relax. They also help you professionally by spreading your roots into other groups.
That might look like joining a book club, an adult sports league, or volunteering. For me, it’s being involved in my daughter’s school and connecting with people on Strava.
What matters isn’t just the activity itself. It’s what happens around it. Hobbies give you shared reference points, which makes it easier to find common ground and build stronger bonds.
By opting out of cultural moments and shared interests, you unintentionally shut yourself off from others.
This isn’t about being transactional. It’s not “I heard humans like this thing, so I will also like it to get ahead.” Culture and the arts nourish your well-being, mental health, and longevity. They also give you something meaningful to open up about.
In Dr. Pawelski’s session at The Art of Wellbeing Summit, he asked us to share a piece of art (literature, music, etc.) that had shaped us with the person next to us. After just two minutes, we felt more connected.
I recently followed Taryn Smith’s solo “World’s Toughest Row” across the Atlantic. I started watching her journey on Day 27, when she had had an incredibly bad day and said she listened to a Harry Potter audiobook while rowing. Harry Potter is my comfort story as well! I immediately felt camaraderie and followed her.
Having hobbies is one of the most reliable ways to grow your circle of people because they give you something authentic to share.
Grow your professional associations
One of my favorite parts of being a keynote speaker is the abundance mindset I’ve seen in speaker communities like HEROIC, the Ambitious Speaker Collective, and what I’ve heard about ImpactEleven (RIP) and The Speaker Lab.
In some ways, we’re competitors. We’re all trying to land speaking engagements. And yet, people freely share leads, lessons, and encouragement.
Robert Lawless, who is on a quest to meet 10,000 friends (I‘m 7,270!), was incredibly open about his speaking journey. Melanie Curtis, who keynoted the NJ Conference for Women, was equally generous and welcoming. There is real power in cheering each other on.
It’s inspiring to connect with people who are navigating the same phases of business you are.
Professional groups, ERGs, and organizations like the Bucks County Business Women’s Association don’t just offer networking. They open doors that can meaningfully change the trajectory of your work.
The people you grow close to in these spaces often become emotional support, too. It hits differently when encouragement comes from someone who truly understands your work. My family loves me, but peers who know the terrain can support me in ways my family simply can’t.
Talk to Strangers
Some skiers were recently stuck in a gondola at Gore Mountain for hours. Instead of panicking, they talked. They learned about each other’s hobbies, interests, and lives.
Most casual conversations won’t go anywhere. But being willing to start them creates space for serendipity.
Last week, my three-year-old chatted with a man while we waited for bagels. He turned out to be the Herr’s delivery driver parked outside and gave her a free bag of her favorite chips.
Or, in my first week of college, a girl from down the hall stopped by my room and asked if I wanted to buy books together. By the end of that errand, I knew she would be one of my best friends for life.
Your next collaborator, investor, or best friend could be somebody that you’re already next to. You just haven’t met them yet.
This may feel like a lot. For the socially anxious among us, myself included, expanding your circle can be intimidating. For busy people, it can feel like one more thing on an already full plate.
Next week, I’ll share tools and systems you can use to build relational support even if you hate putting yourself out there.
